Remembering

I thought I was serious about Ignite at the time, but it was really just a sick joke.
I was so ignorant to what a true Christian life looked like that loads of pride built up without me even realizing it.
It's fun to look back to the person I was in Ignite, though, because I can just laugh at who I thought I was compared to who I really was.

For example:
-The morning PFM was coming to my church, I almost didn't go because my hangover was so bad from the night before
-Did my over-the-phone interview for Ignite while being on a treadmill and at the gym the whole time
-Didn't bring my bible or notebooks or anything to training in Guatemala
-Wrote IBS assignments that I never followed through on
-Spent my On The Mount time doodling or writing my IBS that was due in the next hour
-Judged my classmate for having a rich family (a classmate who I am now best friends with, a classmate who now sleeps in the bunk under me, a classmate who I now can't imagine my life without)
-Apparently forgot I was on a scholarship for Ignite and that I was basically paid to be there
-Didn't take any correction, as I already knew everything I needed to know...obviously
-Continuously tried to catch the eye of a classmate during training, not at all concerned for his focus on the Lord
-Figured I was a bible scholar because I'd read the bible and had memorized scripture
-Thought the silent treatment solved any problem I had
-Slept through class, but somehow had endless energy to play games with my class at night
-Paid zero attention to other's prayers in the group because I was too busy writing a flourished and mature-sounding prayer in my head for when it was my turn to pray
-Doodled during Pastor Don McClure's classes instead of taking notes
-Secretly hoped people were watching when I got on my knees during worship, looking so very humbled
-Cleaned extra areas outside of my chores, but only when others saw me and knew about it, of course

It's funny, isn't it?
Look at all of the things we know we're so guilty of.
 It's too exhausting to try and maintain this facade. 
God didn't call us to that. 
Look at what He does when we finally drop the fake people we're holding up so desperately.
Look at the freedom and insane growth that comes from God when we let go of us and take hold of Him.

He called us to be real. He really came for us, He really died for us, and He really wants a relationship with us to really use us and spread His real Gospel.

It's not like He doesn't already see everything, so why do we still try to wear masks--as if He doesn't see who we really are? We're kidding no one but ourselves.

--Deny Kenzie--

--Proverbs 3:7--

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil."

Everything a person needs to have a strong foundation on the Lord can go back to this verse.

Being a Christian is being called to love. That being said, we can't do anything unless we are doing it as unto the Lord and as He would have us do. If He calls us to love, forgive, follow, serve, fellowship, teach, lead, etc.., we must remember that's as the Lord would have us. We're called to do these things HIS way, not the way we see fit. I might think I'm loving or serving or following the best I can, but that's not what He said to do. I need to follow how He did it.

It's a constant struggle, to live in the world and in our flesh but to be called to a higher standard. We're called to have the heart of the Lord--to put on the mind of Christ, and how amazing it is that He's given us the ability to do it. He's never asked us to do anything He didn't already do. I am to deny myself and see the way He does. In the struggles and in the fruitful times, I know I'm blessed beyond comprehension in all of it. 

In every single second, He is good. He is endless goodness and never stops.

I've never known what it truly meant to rely on the Lord to be my everything until this season of my life--not even when I was in Ignite. Now, though, I finally came to Him and finally gave Him full reign in all arenas of my life. He's been so faithful with His promises; went I come to Him wanting to be more like Him, He makes it happen. 

Opening your life to Him, willing to give up all to Him, willing to change and let go of what matters most to you, and knowing it will hurt in order to grow and move forward, puts you in a place of true humility of looking to the Lord and His promises. You'll soon care about what He does, see how He does, and what matters to Him will matter to you. It will no longer be a "sacrifice" to give things to the Lord, because you see what He does and you can live with an eternal mindset, seeing how you can better glorify His name, and that will be your heart and all that matters. 

The Lord is no longer "good enough" for me, but He is everything for me. I used to think my current boyfriend, or my job, or school, or Ignite, or my friends, or my future husband was "my everything", but God really shows me every second of every day how true it is when I say this:

God is my everything.