Remembering

I thought I was serious about Ignite at the time, but it was really just a sick joke.
I was so ignorant to what a true Christian life looked like that loads of pride built up without me even realizing it.
It's fun to look back to the person I was in Ignite, though, because I can just laugh at who I thought I was compared to who I really was.

For example:
-The morning PFM was coming to my church, I almost didn't go because my hangover was so bad from the night before
-Did my over-the-phone interview for Ignite while being on a treadmill and at the gym the whole time
-Didn't bring my bible or notebooks or anything to training in Guatemala
-Wrote IBS assignments that I never followed through on
-Spent my On The Mount time doodling or writing my IBS that was due in the next hour
-Judged my classmate for having a rich family (a classmate who I am now best friends with, a classmate who now sleeps in the bunk under me, a classmate who I now can't imagine my life without)
-Apparently forgot I was on a scholarship for Ignite and that I was basically paid to be there
-Didn't take any correction, as I already knew everything I needed to know...obviously
-Continuously tried to catch the eye of a classmate during training, not at all concerned for his focus on the Lord
-Figured I was a bible scholar because I'd read the bible and had memorized scripture
-Thought the silent treatment solved any problem I had
-Slept through class, but somehow had endless energy to play games with my class at night
-Paid zero attention to other's prayers in the group because I was too busy writing a flourished and mature-sounding prayer in my head for when it was my turn to pray
-Doodled during Pastor Don McClure's classes instead of taking notes
-Secretly hoped people were watching when I got on my knees during worship, looking so very humbled
-Cleaned extra areas outside of my chores, but only when others saw me and knew about it, of course

It's funny, isn't it?
Look at all of the things we know we're so guilty of.
 It's too exhausting to try and maintain this facade. 
God didn't call us to that. 
Look at what He does when we finally drop the fake people we're holding up so desperately.
Look at the freedom and insane growth that comes from God when we let go of us and take hold of Him.

He called us to be real. He really came for us, He really died for us, and He really wants a relationship with us to really use us and spread His real Gospel.

It's not like He doesn't already see everything, so why do we still try to wear masks--as if He doesn't see who we really are? We're kidding no one but ourselves.