Lord, Be My Life

--For the Lord is your life--

This last week has been a total reset for me. My heart, mind, body, spirit have all been put back where they should be--focused on God.

Here’s the deal: I’m an extremely passionate, impulsive, and all-in type person. When there’s something I believe in, I feel it’s a waste of time (mine and everyone else’s) to be anything other than completely potent. Not to say I don’t get complacent or have weaker seasons of struggle, but, as a whole, my heart commits to and pursues things 100% when I want to.

These are great qualities to have, but are meaningless when my commitments are on things with the Lord put in the backseat. It shows, too. For example, my workplace through Potter’s Field Ministries: MUDMAN coffee and burgers. It's not for profit--all proceeds go directly back into the ministry. I am obsessed with it. I would work there 200% of the time and would sleep at the restaurant if I could (believe me, I’ve asked). I love everything about it, besides cleaning the grease traps on Monday mornings. My passion and motivation, though, is because I love the work MUDMAN is a part of, and the fact that I get to be a part of it. MUDMAN quickly becomes #1 in my life and my relationship and passion for God takes #2 without me even noticing, because, hey--I’m doing the Lord’s work, right? I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the Lord, so the line between working for the Lord and working with the Lord becomes blurred. In short, my passion is not focused on where it should be: I shouldn’t have the Lord in my life--He should be my life.

Because what happens if I have a bad day at work? My life will collapse because I’ve banked on all my happiness and joy coming from there. Or what if, say, the Lord calls me out of MUDMAN or even Potter’s Field for a season? I’ll be devastated and may not even want to follow where He’s wanting me to go, all because I’ve placed so much value and purpose in the work I’m doing instead of my God I’m doing it for. My eyes become fixed on the what instead of the why.

Last week, I was hospitalized for an extensive and major blood clot and am on bed rest for a minimum of 10 days. It’s been a painful and difficult recovery, but good LORD has He been with me! It’s been a wonderful time of resetting my worth and value on what matters most. God has been so gentle and almost tangible in His reminders to me that He is here with every single one of us in every single moment, if we would only pay attention and see it!

I think we all subconsciously trick ourselves into believing we’re so close with the Lord and have so much communion with Him, simply because we are in ministry or are doing “His” work. Guess what? That ain’t what He says. He says to spend time with HIM. Sit at HIS FEET and cast our cares and anxieties upon HIM because He CARES for us! Read and study His Word so we can KNOW Him and have an actual relationship instead of an empty religion that will fall apart as soon as our circumstances become the slightest bit uncomfortable.

Deuteronomy 30 says the Lord IS OUR LIFE. How incredible our life would be if we actually kept that at the forefront of our mind? If we actually believed that? If we looked at all of the things HE IS instead of doing everything we can to look at ourselves, I know we’d be seeing our lives a whole lot differently.

GOD IS:

Endlessly good, true, infinite, healer, teacher, protector, redeemer, savior, love, just, comforter, father, unfailing, self-sufficient, holy, and unchanging.

Most of all, God is really, really good at being God. We don’t have to be God. We were never supposed to be God. He is God and we are not. It takes a lot of pressure off of living life, doesn’t it? He’s REALLY good at His job...if we could only learn to trust Him to do it! If we could only look at His Word and live based off THAT instead of the stories we write ourselves based off our past, our hurts, our emotions, etc…

Whoever is still reading this, I applaud you. I’m really rambling here, but am really just in AWE of how faithful He is to answer this simple prayer:

God, help me to know You more. I really, really, just want to know You.

I never want to forget this, and I know He is unchanging, so I know this is just yet another door He’s opened for me to walk through to know Him more. I am waiting expectantly on Him to teach me, but I am also going after Him fervently, first before anything else, turning down the volume of everything that belongs in second place. He is my life, but I want to make that true in my heart. Truth is truth whether you believe it or not, but isn’t life a whole lot more amazing when you accept and believe it? I want to believe in and walk out that truth--my life should be the proof of God’s hand. His work should be so real in my life that anyone can see it, instead of just me knowing it secretly.

As I sit here on bedrest, I am overwhelmed by the love He’s shown. Not just for me, but for each one of us. I have an incredible family who has sacrificed so much for me to be here, but also to show their love--true love--for me. He takes care of us; not just me, but each one of us. Maybe we can’t always see it, but we have to know and believe that He is good and works good from all things.

We can be overlooked or exalted or shamed or praised or isolated or envied by everyone else, but we are hand-picked by the God of the universe for a purpose. So, regardless of circumstance, my eyes will stay fixed on what He says for me, I will let go of being a victim, rise up in victory, and I will stand firm in Him Who calls me by His name.